Tweens, Technology and Reputation by Karen Child Ogden

Who would have thought that children as young as 12 would need to start thinking about getting into college or landing their first job? Do you know that your child’s online activity could lead to a tarnished reputation and therefore trouble getting into their preferred school or securing their dream job?

Today, universities and employers are searching the Internet and popular networking sites like MySpace and Facebook for information about prospective students and employees, and what they are finding is much more colorful than what is typically submitted on an application. Today’s children learn to access the Internet in grade school and most are savvy by the time they reach pre-teen years, or what some term the ‘tween’ stage.

Most tweens use chat rooms, have online journals, or profiles on social networking sites.
These sites are used to communicate with peers, meet new people, and to express and define themselves. Decorated much like a bedroom, a tween’s social profile or home page dons their favorite music, hobbies, movie stars and pictures of their friends. Yet unlike a child’s bedroom, their home page displays opinions, thoughts and feelings about everything and up-to-the-minute pictures and videos of their lives. When in the past one had to enter the family home of a child to peek into her private world, today ANYONE can peek into your child’s life with just the click of a mouse.

It’s part of tween culture to chronicle their minute-by-minute experience posting photos, videos and activity at any given moment. Because most tweens have cell phones with camera, Internet and video capabilities, this up-to-the-minute posting is constant and is typically done without thought of consequences.

Tweens naively believe that what they post is viewed by their friends only. Yet little do they realize that people who may have influence in their lives someday like a college admissions counselor or employer can also view what they post, and once words, images or videos are posted they are virtually impossible to erase.

Parenting in the digital age is unique in its challenges and in its opportunities. It’s a good time to talk with your kids about choosing their words and actions wisely, and about consequences. Most tweens are not developmentally ready to truly understand this concept, yet they need to understand it clearly before they venture into the virtual world.

Parents need to be diligent in monitoring cell phones and Internet activity. If a parent finds a text message or online post that is inappropriate or potentially damaging to their child or poses a safety risk to the family (such as posting on Facebook that the family will be out of town leaving the home at risk for theft) parents need to firmly explain that the digital world is not always a safe place to share.

Explain that what one does online has both immediate and future ramifications and encourage your child to spend more time in real life versus online.

Karen Child Ogden is a licensed marriage and family therapist in practice in Costa Mesa, and is the co-creator of the Temptation of a Generation book series for tweens. www.temptationseries.com, www.karenchildogdenmft.com.